In Pictures
by Leareth

published 2002

Hisoka remembered that he had a bottle of sake in his house somewhere. He had gotten it from Watari and Tsuzuki for his first birthday with the Shokan Division. He had put it away under the kitchen sink and forgotten about it until that night when he had had to play peacekeeper to a switched Muraki and Tatsumi. After that incident, he had rummaged under his sink and pulled it out. Now it was sitting by itself in the middle of the table like a glassy monolith, and Hisoka was staring at it wondering if he dare open the cap.

There were a lot of reasons why he shouldn't, of course, the most obvious being that Hisoka couldn't handle alcohol. The few times he had tried all resulted in him passing out and being carried to a bed like a kid who had fallen asleep at a late party.

Bad metaphor.

He sighed. There had been a birthday card attached to the bottle, hand-made since Watari and Tsuzuki weren't exactly long on cash, that unlike the bottle, Hisoka had put away carefully where he could see it. It was the first birthday card he had ever gotten. On the inside was scrawled some message about growing up. Kindly meant, for sure, but ...

Hisoka was used to seeing his sixteen-year old face in the mirror everyday, but after reading the card he had stared for a long time at himself knowing that for as long as he existed, this face was never going to change. He had always known that, of course, it was just that he had gotten very good at not thinking about it.

He had been thinking about it a lot lately.

On the wall, the clock was ticking. It was making a sound, marking seconds passing, seconds that really had little meaning for Hisoka. He wasn't growing any taller, any stronger, any older. Unlike the others he was forever stuck at sixteen; we would never be an adult. Every time his friends looked at him they would a see a child, and every time his enemies saw at him they would never take him seriously.

Enemies like Muraki.

As always, the curse marks, invisible on his skin, smouldered when he thought about his killer. Hisoka was used to it by now. It only served to fuel his desire to free himself of the man forever. Yet Muraki barely spoke a dozen words to him whenever they met, barely deigned to look at him. Whenever he did it was with contempt, as if Hisoka was nothing more than some fly he couldn't even be bothered to swat.

Hisoka's lips tightened. If Muraki never took him seriously as an opponent, how was he to get a satisfactory revenge?

Revenge.

He stared at the bottle without seeing it. Revenge. Strange how such a simple word, two syllables long, could express something so complex. Not so long before it had just been for him. Now, however ...

Now, there was that other person.

 

"Yo, Hisoka, I got some cake, want some?"

He looked up into the happy purple eyes, looked at the confectionary shoved under his nose, and raised an eyebrow. "Whatever happened to keeping to our budget?"

"Saa, we can worry about that later!" Since the cake wasn't having the desired effect, Tsuzuki began to eat it himself. "You're really missing out, you know," he said with his mouth full.

"Yeah, missing out on getting into trouble with Tatsumi-san." He peered around his book and frowned. "Can't you be serious for one day?"

"Not if I can help it."

" ... Idiot.""

 

That happy-go-lucky attitude could really rub Hisoka up the wrong way at times. Compared to the state Tsuzuki had been in after Kyoto, however, that was welcome. What made the smile Hisoka saw on Tsuzuki's face everyday so much more precious was the possibility that it could still be snatched away.

He would do anything to prevent it from happening. Except he was having a bit of trouble with the ‘do' part.

Hijiri had been the one to call Tsuzuki back when the demon had possessed him. Watari had pulled Tsuzuki out of the Earl's book. None of them had been able to do anything when Muraki had taken Tsuzuki away. He had followed Tsuzuki into the fire, but couldn't bring him out; Tatsumi had been the one to do that.

The number of times Tsuzuki got himself into trouble was astounding. And, from the looks of it, he would keep getting into trouble. Especially with Muraki still on the loose. Hisoka wondered if he'd be able to keep his friend safe.

So far, it seemed as if he had a long way to go, especially given the examples he had to compare with. Watari could be intimidating if Tsuzuki was at risk of being hurt. And Tatsumi ... he shocked Hisoka sometimes with just how far he would go for his former partner.

Both of them would to anything to protect Tsuzuki. What was more, they could.

Hisoka stared at the bottle a moment longer. Then, before he could have any second thoughts, he reached out, opened it, and drank deeply. He managed to scull about three quarters of it before he put it back down, blinked blearily for a couple of seconds, then lowered his spinning head onto his arms and passed out.

 

* * *

 

"Hisoka? Hisoka!"

Whoever was yelling into his ear was damned loud. Hisoka weighed the benefits of opening his eyes against more sleep for his throbbing head, and decided that it wasn't worth it. He buried his face into his arms. "G'way, Tsuzuki, I'm sleepy ..."

"Sleepy? Do you know what time it is? You were supposed to pick me up fifteen minutes ago!" Fifteen minutes? Hisoka was pretty sure he should be panicking about being fifteen minutes late for something, but his head was hurting too much for that. There was a rustle of cloth, and Hisoka felt a cool hand being pressed against his forehead. "Are you sick?" Tsuzuki asked worriedly. "You don't have a fever."

"Not ... sick ..." Hisoka muttered. Tsuzuki's hand felt nice. "I –"

"Hey, wait a sec." Hisoka cracked one eye open to see Tsuzuki's hand pick up the nearly empty sake bottle. "Isn't this your birthday present? What's it doing –" Tsuzuki's voice broke off, and Hisoka imagined his partner's purple eyes widening. "Don't tell me ..." Suddenly, there was a giggle. Hisoka cracked open his other eye and saw Tsuzuki trying to look serious and failing miserably. "So how much did you drink?" Tsuzuki asked.

There was a mumble. "What was that?" asked Tsuzuki.

Hisoka glared. It wasn't up to his usual standard seeing that his hangover was thudding away in his brain. "Most of the bottle."

Tsuzuki blinked. Twice. "You're kidding. And you're still talking coherently? Wow. Maybe you should join us next time Watari and I have a drinking contest."

Hisoka muttered a ‘maybe' and went back to using his arms as a pillow.

"Hey, Hisoka!" Tsuzuki shook him gently. "Don't go back to sleep, we've got to get to work! Look how late it is!" He stuck his wristwatch in front of Hisoka's nose. Hisoka looked at it and blanched.

"Uh oh."

"Uh huh."

Hisoka wasn't listening. He ran for his bedroom and got cleaned up in probably record time. When he came out he Tsuzuki handed him a glass of water. Hisoka drank it quickly; it helped his hangover somewhat. Then he grabbed his shoes and dashed out the door. "Come on!" he yelled to Tsuzuki.

"H-hey, not so fast!" Stumbling in his partner's wake, Tsuzuki jogged to keep up. "Look, we're late already, we might as well take it easy."

"Easy for you to say, oh holder of the department tardiness record," retorted Hisoka. Despite his words, he did slow down to a fast walk. Strenuous exercise with a hangover wasn't making him feel too good.

Tsuzuki grinned and fell into pace beside him. It was habit nowadays, that they would walk to work together in the mornings, and, more often than not, back home as well. It was something that had persisted from when Tsuzuki had first gotten out of the hospital. Hisoka had kept his partner company quite a few nights – long nights, speaking little, knowing his presence was enough to comfort – until the nightmares had gone away.

Speaking of which –

Hisoka eyed Tsuzuki. "Sleep well last night?" he asked.

"Hm?" Tsuzuki blinked. "Oh. Yeah, I did, actually."

"So you're okay?"

Tsuzuki smiled. "Yes. Why did you ask?"

Hisoka looked away. "Just making sure."

Tsuzuki's smile faded. "Oh."

They walked in silence for a little while.

"Hisoka."

"Hmm?"

Tsuzuki's purple eyes were uncomfortable. "How did you learn to live with it? I mean, you know ..." He trailed off and looked away.

Hisoka understood immediately. "I died, for one thing," he said shortly. This was far from the most pleasant of subjects to talk about, but Tsuzuki needed answers. "And I told myself repeatedly that it wasn't my fault, that there wasn't anything I could do about it, and that it was in the past so I shouldn't let it govern my life." He glanced at Tsuzuki. "Also that one day I would find whoever did it to me and pay him back."

"I see." Tsuzuki still refused to look up from his feet, Hisoka noticed with some degree of worry. He's healed a lot, but it still hurts him. Not that I blame him, he added silently, mentally squashing his own memories. It was automatic now.

Suddenly, Tsuzuki smiled at him. "You're strong, Hisoka."

Hisoka turned red and coughed embarrassedly. "Not really. I just learned to live with it."

"Exactly."

Hisoka looked away. "But not strong enough to kill Muraki."

"You will be," said Tsuzuki. He laid a hand on Hisoka's shoulder. There had been a time, not so long ago, that Hisoka would have flinched at such physical contact. "I know it."

Such praise had the effect of turning Hisoka into a tomato. "Whatever," he said gruffly.

He sensed Tsuzuki smile in amusement. "You're so cute when you do that."

"What."

"Blush and go all grumpy like that."

"Shut up. I'm not a kid, you know."

Tsuzuki flinched; Hisoka's words had come out a little sharper than he had intended. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean –"

"I know, I know." Hisoka sighed and waved off any more apology. "Forget it, you didn't meant it." He sighed, closing his eyes. He felt Tsuzuki watching him steadily.

"So I take it there was a reason you decided to knock yourself out last night," his partner said finally.

Hisoka blinked. "How did you know that?"

Tsuzuki shrugged. "You're the first partner who's stayed with me longer than three months. I guess after so long people get to know each other."

Three months ... "You know, Tatsumi-san's going to be very mad to see us come in this late," Hisoka said casually, changing the subject or maybe maintaining it.

Tsuzuki winced a little. "Oh well, we'll just explain that we got delayed in traffic."

"We walk to work."

"Uh, there were lots of people walking today?"

Hisoka rolled his eyes. "Why are you worried. Just look mournful and ask for forgiveness." He glanced at his partner. "He really worries about you, you know."

Tsuzuki paused. He stared ahead at the path for a moment, then dropped his gaze like a leaf falling from a branch. "Yes," he said softly. "I know."

Hisoka watched Tsuzuki closely, wondering if his partner would brush the subject off or not. If he did Hisoka swore he was going to hit something, preferably his partner's head. "Why don't you talk to him?" he asked.

"Talk?" Tsuzuki looked at him curiously, amethyst eyes to green. Then he turned away. "I do talk to him, but …"

"But what?"

Tsuzuki wasn't looking at him. "How do I know that I won't make him go away again?"

Hisoka glared. "Don't be an idiot." Tsuzuki blinked at him, startled. "You know Tatsumi-san will never do that."

"I know, but …" Tsuzuki sighed. "Ta – I mean, everyone has their own lives to look after as well." He smiled, perhaps a little forcedly. "They can't spend all their time looking after me."

"Well, I won't leave you," said Hisoka without thinking. When he did, he shut his mouth and blushed.

To his surprise, Tsuzuki smiled at him. "I know. Thank you."

Hisoka blinked. "What did I do?"

"You know ..." Tsuzuki waved a hand vaguely. Hisoka gave him a look.

"No, I don't. Spit it out, Tsuzuki."

His partner gazed at him silently, then turned away. It was quite a while until he spoke. "That time in Kyoto during the fire ... you were the one who stayed with me."

Hisoka squirmed uncomfortably. "Oh."

Tsuzuki hadn't finished. "Not only that, you were the only one. I'm not saying that I resent the fact that the others didn't; I understand why. The thing is, I hurt so badly that time ... and you stayed. Thank you."

Hisoka fumbled for some answer to this. "Uh, you're welcome."

They watched each other for a while. Overhead, clouds were dancing in the wind. It was a peaceful moment, just the two of them. Hisoka fixed his eyes to Tsuzuki's, determined that this time, for once, he would not blush and turn away.

He managed to hold it for about two seconds. Then he looked away, stuck his hands in his pockets, and started to walk again. "Come on," he said gruffly. "We're still late."

Tsuzuki hurried after him. "Wait for me!"

Hisoka did, turning and rolling his eyes as Tsuzuki fell into step beside him. "Idiot," he said again, averting his face so that his partner wouldn't see how pink it was.

He would work on the not-blushing thing. Just like he would work on everything else and grow up.

 

+ owari +