Boys Don't Cry
by Leareth
Chapter One
"Subject, Nagumo Shigeru. Age twenty-four, parents deceased, married with no children. No other family." Konoe put down the report and sighed. "He's been dead for over a fortnight but his spirit hasn't turned up in Meifu yet. What a bother."
The man standing on the other side of the desk smiled slightly. "So it's just a bag-and-drag case this time?"
Konoe glared, or tried to. No one had the courage to glare into those blue eyes. "You don't have to say it like that, Tatsumi," he said instead, pretending to fiddle with the papers littering the surface in front of him. "But yes, it is a locate-and-escort case. Find this Shigeru's spirit and bring him to Meifu. Short and simple. You might even get back home for dinner."
Tatsumi Seiichiro, looking more like a businessman in his elegant dark brown suit than a god of death, raised one fine eyebrow at his superior. "Can I bill it to Enma-cho's account?"
Konoe's weathered face twitched. "Of course not! Do you think the department's budget stretches that far?"
The taller man shrugged. "It was worth a try."
To this reply, Konoe wisely chose to hold his tongue. Instead, he handed over a small photo in addition to the slim file that was supposed to be the focus of their attention at the moment. His movements were restless; there was something more important he d to hand over to Tatsumi and he really wanted it over and done with. "That should make your search a little easier."
Tatsumi picked up the slightly blurry black-and-white photo and scrutinized it from behind his glasses, peripherally interested at best. "Wonderful thing, technology," he commented. "I still remember when we had to work from second- and third-hand descriptions from people with no eloquence in language or skill in artistry."
"You speak as if you've been here for centuries," Konoe growled, shuffling the papers in front of him in a half-hearted attempt at organization. It was times like this he really wanted a secretary.
"When working with you, it feels that long." With a bored expression, Tatsumi flipped the picture onto a pile of precariously balanced reports and readjusted his glasses. "But it is true, I have been doing active shinigami duty for quite a some time. Actually, I've been thinking about transferring soon."
Konoe blinked as the report pile began to sway. "What, do you mean you're moving on?"
Tatsumi seemed genuinely surprised at such a notion. "No, no, certainly not. I merely meant that in the very near future, I intend to do something better than running around collecting spirits that have fallen through the cracks or run amok." The sheaf of papers had begun to slide off the side of the desk; Tatsumi placed a firm hand on what he was able to reach, which unfortunately left the rest to Konoe. "Something that also doesn't involve taking care of some newbie who doesn't know Gushoushin from a chicken," he added, looking thoughtful as papers scattered to the floor with the Kacho in the middle of them.
The last remark made Konoe's lips tighten. "Just as long as you don't have eyes on my post," said Konoe aloud. His voice was rather muffled; it probably had something to do with the fact that he was scrambling on hands and knees under his desk. Chasing after a vagrant leaflet, his head emerged near Tatsumi's perfectly buffed shoes. "Anyway, the case is in Nagoya. Give me a hand with these and you can get going once I've introduced you to your partner."
"I'm not a secretary. And I don't need a partner," said Tatsumi with cool emphasis, not moving to lend a hand. "I work better without one."
There was an exasperated breath from beneath the desk. "You of all people know the rules," Konoe retorted, standing up with a fistful of papers and a groan. "All shinigami work in pairs, regardless of how good they are."
Tatsumi's blue eyes narrowed slightly as Konoe dumped his find on the messy desk. "I can keep working with Gushoushin. That's not breaking any rules."
"No, it isn't, but the Gushoushin have work of their own to do. Plus Gushoushin said, and I quote, ‘Tatsumi isn't the most comfortable of people to work with.'" Which is an understatement, Konoe added silently. He held up a hand to stave off the reply that was about to come from the other shinigami's lips. "I know you're one of the best, which is why we've let you work relatively solo since you and your last partner split a while ago, but it can't go on. Sets a bad example."
Tatsumi's face darkened, but he did not reply; Konoe did his best to ignore the shinigami's expression and the sinking feeling in his stomach. Tatsumi was really not going to like this. "The bottom line is, you're getting a partner," he explained patiently. "It's all been arranged already."
"It better be someone with intelligence this time," muttered Tatsumi. "I hate working with idiots."
Konoe grimaced at the deprecating remark, but at least it indicated that Tatsumi wasn't going to argue, at least for now. Finally putting his things in order or at least into an arrangement that wouldn't restructure itself the moment he left the room, Konoe retrieved the current investigation file, opened the door of his office and motioned for the other man to precede him through it. Reluctantly, Tatsumi picked up the jacket that he had hung on the back of the chair. "Are you going to introduce us or are you just going to let me pick him apart?" he asked Konoe as he pulled the jacket on.
"Introduction, then we'll see what happens."
With a resigned sigh, the shinigami stepped into the hall outside. Tatsumi Seiichiro was too intelligent to disobey an order when he heard it. It didn't mean he had to like it though. And when Tatsumi didn't like something ...
"Ah, Tatsumi, do you have to wear that scary look when you meet your new partner?" asked Konoe nervously, puffing as he tried to keep up with the shinigami's long strides.
It was only a short walk to a door further down the hall in the Enma-cho wing of the JuOhCho – the kanji on the sign merely said ‘briefing room'. Konoe frowned as they got closer. There was a strange sound from the other side, a sound that sounded vaguely like a puppy scoffing food ...
"So who are you pairing up with me?" asked Tatsumi as the old chief placed a hand on the door-knob. Konoe had a small smile on his face unseen to his companion, the kind practical jokers wear just before springing the trap. Privately, Konoe wondered what Tatsumi would do to him for this. Probably nothing permanent, but it would be worth it just to pull a fast one over the money-loving control-freak of a shinigami for once.
"He's in here," was all Konoe said.
He opened the door. Tatsumi walked in. Konoe immediately followed in eager expectation.
A pair of amethyst eyes looked up at them. They blinked. A fork with a piece of chocolate cake stuck on the end of it stopped in mid-air.
Then, as Konoe watched from behind Tatsumi's rigid back, the fork was waved about as the mouth it had been about to feed cake to broke into a huge, innocent smile.
"Hiya, Tatsumi!" chirped Tsuzuki Asato.
Tatsumi froze in the doorway. He stared at Tsuzuki. Then without a word, he executed a sharp parade ground one-eighty turn, and walked straight back out.
Tsuzuki's eyes turned into huge marbles.
"TATSUMI~I!!"
* * *
"You're pairing me with him."
"Uh huh."
"You're pairing me with him."
"That's right."
If Tatsumi had looked scary before, he was positively evil now. "Of all people, how can you pair me with him!" he demanded, making Konoe wince. On the third side of the table, an empty plate in front of him, Tsuzuki whimpered. A mad Tatsumi was never a good thing. At least the briefing room was well-lit, so the chances of Tatsumi twisting the shadows to vent his anger upon them were slim.
"Orders are orders, Tatsumi," said Konoe with a calmness he wasn't feeling inside. "You don't get a choice."
Tatsumi, pacing the room like a caged tiger, gave Konoe an icy-blue glare. "This is Tsuzuki Asato-san we're talking about," he said as if the subject of conversation wasn't present. "The same Tsuzuki Asato-san that blew up half a shipping dock a week or two ago landing the department with a huge repair bill that's put our budget even further in the red zone, right?"
Tsuzuki had a large sweatdrop adorning his head. "There was a rogue shikigami running around in it that I had to catch!" he protested.
The icy-blue glare focused on Tsuzuki. "You also blew your partner – who couldn't swim – into the water."
The sweatdrop grew bigger. "It was an accident!"
"And then when you went to visit him in the hospital you brought a bouquet of flowers that gave him a skin rash that took two days to calm down."
"I didn't know he was allergic to them!"
Konoe turned to Tsuzuki, eyebrows in his hair. "For someone who's only just recently started as an active shinigami you've got quite a reputation already," he commented.
"I do?"
Tatsumi fixed Tsuzuki with a withering look. "It's difficult to find someone in JuOhCho who hasn't heard of you," he said. "You're the first shinigami in history who's gone through four partners in the space of a few months."
"It was only two!" Tsuzuki protested. Then he beamed hopefully up at his assigned partner. "You're lucky number three!"
Tatsumi ignored the smile and slammed a hand on the table. "I refuse to work with him!"
Konoe raised one eyebrow as Tsuzuki whimpered again. "Why?"
The one-word question seemed to knock Tatsumi off course for a moment. Not a very long moment, but it happened. "I cannot work with an immature, irresponsible, destructive newbie. I'll end up killing him."
Tsuzuki squeaked. "H-he wouldn't kill me, would he, Kacho?" he asked, panicked.
Konoe shook his head as reassuringly as he could. "He can't kill you, you're already dead."
"Oh yeah."
Tatsumi brushed light-brown hair back from his face and closed his eyes. "Konoe-Kacho, I strongly advise you to reconsider this," he said through gritted teeth.
Konoe shook his head in the negative. "I'm not going to change my mind. Tsuzuki, although talented, really needs an experienced partner who is capable of looking after him properly. You're the only one who could possibly fit that role. Plus you don't have a partner anyway." Remembering Tatsumi's words earlier on, he smiled. "Don't worry, he knows Gushoushin isn't a chicken."
Tsuzuki looked at his chief. "Gushoushin's that thing with the beak and feathers that looks like a chook, right?"
Konoe tried to keep his smile in place as a sweatdrop worked its way down his head. Tatsumi's glasses were glinting dangerously. "I refuse to partner with Tsuzuki-san!" he declared with finality.
This was giving the old Kacho a headache. Not for the first time Konoe wished it wasn't him who had to talk Tatsumi into this. Taking a deep breath he was about to offer a bribe when Tsuzuki, sitting with shoulders slumped in his seat, turned large eyes up at irate shinigami.
"Don't you want to be my partner, Tatsumi?" asked Tsuzuki in a very small voice.
Tatsumi spun around to shout the obvious at him, but then took one look at Tsuzuki's sad amethyst eyes and froze.
WWhat happened next Konoe wasn't quite sure. He blinked as Tatsumi tried to speak only to have his words die in his throat. Next, the Chief rubbed his eyes to make sure they weren't deceiving him when the formerly incensed shinigami stood as still as a statue before Tsuzuki's amethyst gaze. Then when Tatsumi turned ever so slightly pale and disturbed, Konoe pinched himself.
Now that was something he had never expected to see.
Perhaps startled at what he had done, Tsuzuki blinked. "Uh, Tatsumi?" he asked hesitantly.
The moment was broken; Tatsumi turned away from Tsuzuki's eyes. It could have been Konoe's imagination, but the man looked shaken. "Fine, then," Tatsumi snapped, turning abruptly on his heel and snatching up the investigation file before storming towards the door. He pulled it open with far more force than necessary. "But I'm not waiting for you."
Tsuzuki stared as if he couldn't believe it, then jumped to his feet hands clasped together, the gesture probably the only thing holding his delight in control. "Really?" he exclaimed.
Tatsumi muttered something under his breath Konoe was glad he wasn't in hearing range of and exited the room as fast as he could. The moment the man was out of sight Konoe turned to the young shinigami, his face one big question. "What in Enma's name did you do to him, Tsuzuki?" asked Konoe incredulously. "I've never seen Tatsumi give in like that before in my life!"
Tsuzuki, happily grabbing his coat, didn't hear him. "Bye, Kacho!" With almost child-like exuberance, he dashed out of the room in the direction his new partner had taken, calling, "Tatsumi~i! Wait for me!"
The door slammed shut; Konoe was suddenly left alone. After all the shouting and yelling that had been going on, the briefing room was strangely quiet. Distantly, he wondered if his impulse to pair the overly-enthusiastic and impulsive Tsuzuki with Tatsumi, merciless control-freak extraordinaire and all-round miser, was one of his better ideas.
He shrugged. "Oh well," he said aloud to the empty room. "It's going to be interesting."